I've got to admit it's getting better

It's getting better all the time! The Beetles know what's up. Last week I let myself get a little down. I was dwelling on my perceptions of my job situation. I've been trying to become a teacher ever since I came to Texas, and I have to tell you - it's frustrating when you put in applications, send resumes, and go the extra mile and don't even get interviews. I'm a big doubter - a pessimist that always feels like nothings going to work out. I'll say things like, "I know God will take care of me...yada, yada, yada", but I really doubt it. Because my reality includes several days of joblessness - and I'm not talking about a full time job. I mean I'm begging for a school to give me the opportunity to come spend 8 hours teaching as a sub for a whopping $65 and some experience. Yah - I'm bitter. Sometimes I feel like God is in control of things, like he's operating the universe like it's a machine; and I know he has his hand on the freakin' lever waiting for 'his timing' to pull it. What lever you ask? Well the 'give my beloved son rodney a teaching job lever'. I can see him saying to himself - 'hmmm, ill wait a little longer - my son needs patience - he will learn a lot from waiting; he will learn to depend on others instead of himself; he will learn that I will provide what seems to be just enough for him (even though he is very rich in comparison to the rest of my children in Africa); yes, my son will be a better person if I wait longer to pull this lever'.
OK GOD! I think I've learned enough! Pull the you-damned lever (get it...YOU-damned lever - yah sorry it's a really bad joke - plus I just lost some points with my conservative friends. Sorry guys, couldn't resist - you know me!)

So why is it getting better? Because I think I am learning a lot from things not going how they were supposed to go. I think it's good for me to be frustrated. I love to be in control and be able to take care of myself. Shoot, I'd like to be so well off that I'd have enough to buy myself some cool recording toys - and not just a few - a lot of them! But maybe now that I'm depending on Ken and Becky to provide for me (even though they are in a less-than-perfect financial situation themselves), I'll be more likely to give what I earn as a teacher to others in need. I hope I'm half as generous as Ken & Becky have been to me - they buy me food, provide me a great home to stay in, take me to aggie games, let me use their washer and dryer, eat their food, jump on my bed (i've never tried this, and now that i think about it becky might object...but i might ask if it's ok), mow the lawn (yah, it makes me feel better about staying here), and a bunch of other stuff too!

So yah...I guess I'm learning something from all this.