Another stab at blogging...
I just had a nice talk with one of my best Texas friends (I have two here in Texas - and many more in California). She is going to make a great pastor...ehh...actually I think she is a great pastor - so I guess that means I have two great pastors now. She's a great pastor because I felt I needed somebody to press my buttons and help me start thinking about the shit in my life. I know it's there and I say I want to deal with it and that I'm the kind of person that is 'real enough' to go deeper than most, but when it comes down to it I hate pain. I think I understand that it's something that I have in me - and that I have a choice to cram it down and move on, or I can deal with it the best I can with the help of God and good friends. Tonight my friend whom I am considering one of my pastors since that's what she says she wants to be and to me she stepped up to the plate for me and asked me some tough questions that got me thinking about things I feel I need to address, but I'm not really sure how - or that I can even begin on my own. I'm talking about stuff that happened to me that shapes how I act, think, and relate - probably on a daily basis and under the radar. Issues with submitting to authority, what that looks like, what's appropriate, and some of the assumptions that I carry on the topic. I'm trying to figure out if the seasons I've went though with different leaders/mentors are healthy or unhealthy. Do I move on from one mentor to the next because it's what's best for me or because they pushed buttons that I didn't want touched? Or is it something else? I don't know at this point, but I really am grateful to have a friend that seems to have a gift at balancing love/truth/grace/etc to help a friend out.