Just Rodney...

I'm a 24, a teacher, and these are some of my thoughts. I'd love to hear your comments - hopefully their nice ones - but I'll take anything.

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Location: Tomball, Texas, United States

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Ahh Texas, that great land of megachurches and thick accents. To most Californians it would be a nightmare to relocate from this paradise where you can be two hours from the ocean or two hours from the mountains to Texas where you get a free sauna 24/7! Was that a run-on sentence or what?!?!? But for me I caught a glince of hope while I was in Texas. That was enough to convince me to go against many logical reasons for me to stay in California. So what am I hoping for? Good question. I think what is drawing me to Texas is more of a feeling that it is a set of logical reasons that make sense; a feeling that tells me there is a community where the way I think and question won't come across as bad/heretical/irrational/postmodern cliche. You see, I really identify with that Death Cab For Cutie Song that says:

Cause in my head there's a greyhound station. Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations. So they may have a chance of finding a place where they're far more suited than here

The song is talking about a girl or something like that, but to me it is metaphorical to my spiritual journey and the frustrations I have had in recent years. I feel like a fake and even though I have some friends that are safer than others, I still sense that wellspring is safer. So here's the plan at this point: I'm going to Texas for about two months to get past the hype of change and get a grasp of what Wellspring is really about and if that's what I want. For the most part this is easy decision for me to make because I want to go and see; but it's not an easy decision because I am addicted to approval and live behind the hard stone walls of what people think of me. Here's a question that's been swirling around in my head for some time: What is the role of leadership in one's life? I have all these "shoulds" bouncing around in my head. Like when proverbs says, The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. But whose advise? I want advice...I really do; I just don't want everyone's advice. I want advice from people who validate me. I want the advice of people who say, "Texas sounds good.", "Go for it", "Follow your heart", "Don't mess with Texas". I don't like the advice of people that say, "ohhh, bad idea", "what about ______?" etc. Basically I like affirming advice. I also like advice that makes me think, even if I don't like it. If it helps me to make a decision then it's good, if it calls me to blindly follow I'm not so sure that it's good. Following things based on blind obedience breeds bitterness toward whoever you're taking advice from. But I wonder if there is some sort of balance? Rather, I wonder if the process of getting advice has become warped by modern thinking. Maybe getting advice isn't as much about following the advice of a certain person or a certain way of life as it is getting many perspectives and thoughts on a decision before making that decision. Instead of it being a matter of, "I am going to ask so and so what to do and do whatever he thinks" maybe it would be the process of getting much advice and finding out the reason that person gave that advice, then sorting though it yourself to make a move. OK, so now you have had a glance at what has been going on in my head lately... I could go on but I've already rambled too much. Please share your thoughts/experiences on this topic if you dare to have any...


Blogger sandcastlz0511 said...

What is God saying? Oh gosh, and how many times have you heard that? Believe me, I KNOW where you're coming from on which advice to listen to, and all the rest. Go with what you believe is right, what is best for you.

Old Julie (as opposed to young Julie)

9:15 PM  
Blogger juli said...

haha...julie thinks she's old! silly girl...

ok, so i've been thinking about this all rodney (i actually ready your blog last week but i've needed time to think) and here's the thing...why did you come to texas? why did you and beth feel it was important to come allll the way to little tomball, texas? it sounded to me as if there was/is a void out there in cali that isn't being filled by the people around you currently. if you two were getting the validation that you needed, you wouldn't have come-right?

i told you before, but when i met ken and the gang it felt as if i was coming out of the conservative/traditional closet! i was finally allowed to be/say/think whatever i wanted and it was all okay. i hadn't felt anything like that in my whole life. (except by my parents who are really cool...you'll have to meet them)

anyways, i suppose i just want to encourage you. maybe it's because i'm just so darn postmodern (just kidding!) but i really do wish that sometimes we could all just rely on the spirit instead of on humans advice. i know it's hard to hear it, but julie's right...what is God saying in the midst of what all the humans are saying? i think you can hear it...and i think that's why you came to texas in the first place.

the pratical side to all this is that it's only 2 months out of your life. in the whole span and scheme of things...that's really not too long of a time to come and check it out. a little experiment! and you'll get to do it with some great people that i have grown to love so dearly. i would have never thought that i would ever be so fulfilled to hang out with people twice my age on a daily basis but God brings affirmation into our lives in the strangest ways.

ken won't steer you wrong. he's amazing and has so much knowledge to give...look at me...i'm not nearly as angry or crazy as i used to be (ok, maybe i'm still crazy) but he's helped me realize who i am and who i'm meant to be. that's huge...and i think he can help you too if you let him.

alright...enough of me blahing on. i'm going to be biased in all this...we adore you! ken loves you guys and i do too...and of course ryan wants you here (but only to make out with you!!!)

we're excited rodney. not because we have someone else joining the ranks but because it encourages us to know that there are people out there in the world like us. you're encouraging and affirming us just as much as we are you, and i know you've got so much to bring to the table. alright kiddo...have a good day! and maybe i'll see you soon! yay!

8:26 AM  
Blogger juli said...

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8:26 AM  

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