Ahh Texas, that great land of megachurches and thick accents. To most Californians it would be a nightmare to relocate from this paradise where you can be two hours from the ocean or two hours from the mountains to Texas where you get a free sauna 24/7! Was that a run-on sentence or what?!?!? But for me I caught a glince of hope while I was in Texas. That was enough to convince me to go against many logical reasons for me to stay in California. So what am I hoping for? Good question. I think what is drawing me to Texas is more of a feeling that it is a set of logical reasons that make sense; a feeling that tells me there is a community where the way I think and question won't come across as bad/heretical/irrational/postmodern cliche. You see, I really identify with that Death Cab For Cutie Song that says:

Cause in my head there's a greyhound station. Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations. So they may have a chance of finding a place where they're far more suited than here

The song is talking about a girl or something like that, but to me it is metaphorical to my spiritual journey and the frustrations I have had in recent years. I feel like a fake and even though I have some friends that are safer than others, I still sense that wellspring is safer. So here's the plan at this point: I'm going to Texas for about two months to get past the hype of change and get a grasp of what Wellspring is really about and if that's what I want. For the most part this is easy decision for me to make because I want to go and see; but it's not an easy decision because I am addicted to approval and live behind the hard stone walls of what people think of me. Here's a question that's been swirling around in my head for some time: What is the role of leadership in one's life? I have all these "shoulds" bouncing around in my head. Like when proverbs says, The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. But whose advise? I want advice...I really do; I just don't want everyone's advice. I want advice from people who validate me. I want the advice of people who say, "Texas sounds good.", "Go for it", "Follow your heart", "Don't mess with Texas". I don't like the advice of people that say, "ohhh, bad idea", "what about ______?" etc. Basically I like affirming advice. I also like advice that makes me think, even if I don't like it. If it helps me to make a decision then it's good, if it calls me to blindly follow I'm not so sure that it's good. Following things based on blind obedience breeds bitterness toward whoever you're taking advice from. But I wonder if there is some sort of balance? Rather, I wonder if the process of getting advice has become warped by modern thinking. Maybe getting advice isn't as much about following the advice of a certain person or a certain way of life as it is getting many perspectives and thoughts on a decision before making that decision. Instead of it being a matter of, "I am going to ask so and so what to do and do whatever he thinks" maybe it would be the process of getting much advice and finding out the reason that person gave that advice, then sorting though it yourself to make a move. OK, so now you have had a glance at what has been going on in my head lately... I could go on but I've already rambled too much. Please share your thoughts/experiences on this topic if you dare to have any...